Co-Regulation is Self-Regulation

One of my favorite pop culture facts I've seen on social media recently is that infants believe they are part of their mother for most of their first year of life. Because they are dependent on their mother and lack cognitive awareness, they perceive themselves as the same self. It’s essentially a “You + Me = We” situation – a true baby-momma dynamic! Let’s explore this from a sensory standpoint.

**Vision**

Newborns have the best vision at about 8 to 12 inches, which is roughly the distance from their mother’s breast to her face. Research shows that infants as young as two weeks old have a preference for their mother’s face! An interesting aside is that an infant’s brain is wired to focus on faces. When presented with screens, their brains have to create new pathways to process those images and derive meaning. Essentially, they have to learn how to watch screens, which raises questions about the long-term consequences of creating new pathways in the visual cortex, potentially leading to learning disabilities.

**Smell**

It is recommended not to use strongly scented products initially, so the baby can remain connected to their mother’s calming scent, which signifies safety. In the NICU, a neuroprotective strategy involves using scent cloths—pieces of fabric that the mother has held against her skin for extended periods. These cloths can be placed in the infant’s isolette when the parent is not holding them. This method has been scientifically proven to reduce cortisol and other stress markers in infants. Additionally, a mother’s scent can lower cortisol reactivity during painful procedures.

**Touch**

The World Health Organization recommends skin-to-skin contact, also known as Kangaroo Care, for well-born infants during the first three months of life—often referred to as the Fourth Trimester. This practice benefits both the baby and the mother. However, if the infant experiences any early life stress, such as a NICU stay or surgeries (including C-sections), skin-to-skin contact is recommended for the first six months of life. This practice supports attunement and brain development.

**Fun Facts:**

- A mother’s breast tissue can increase or decrease in temperature by up to 7 degrees to help maintain the infant’s body temperature. (Thank you, Tonia! 😊)

- Fathers who engage in skin-to-skin contact with their newborns can increase the size of their amygdalas, which helps the brain become more attuned to the baby’s needs. (Size matters, yes, I said it.)

Newborn crying is normal and does not necessarily indicate pain, discomfort, or hunger. Crying can be a form of sensory release or corollary discharge; it’s a way for them to let go of tension and stress. We as adults do this all day long. Infants achieve this through crying.

This is a challenging concept in 2026, as we have been trained to gather information and solve problems. But what if a baby’s crying is not a problem to be solved, but rather an event to be witnessed and supported?

A crying baby is not needy, demanding, or manipulative; they are simply a crying baby. We are required to go through our checklists to solve issues—hunger, pain, or discomfort—we must also reliably and predictably support the infant to the best of our ability. This can only happen through meaningful person-to-person connections.

This is why, as a caring caregiver, you are the co-regulator in this dynamic. You play a vital role in providing the emotional and sensory support the infant needs!